im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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