dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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