so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
