This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
