I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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