I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
