I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
