we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
