My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
