So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
