You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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