You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
