remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
