You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
