it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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