I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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