look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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