brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.†\nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
