I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
