Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
