so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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