Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want is dick and wine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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