Just fell off a train. Bad.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize