There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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