well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
