we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
