I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
