he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
