i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
