you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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