come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
