my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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