38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
