He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
