did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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