Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
