i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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