you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
