i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize