The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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