Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
