??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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