I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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