The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
