we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
