I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize