PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
