I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize