just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
