Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found the puke drawer
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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