This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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