can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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