he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
