Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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