PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
