Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
