i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
