I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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