I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
