Kiss
Puke
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
