How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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