I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it hurts more in the daytime
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize