I need to stop coming to work sober
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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