I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
